SAVE ME FALCOR

I can't believe my last blog post was in MAY. And before that... DECEMBER.
Dang. I am super slacking when it comes to sharing more than a quick quip on status-update-social-sites. .....

 Well. I crave going deeper... but have hit a sort of  "this-all-seems-a-bit-pointless" syndrome, and a case of the "I-wish-I-was-having-the-type-of-adventures-I-had-when-I-was-in-college" wistfulness.

Even as I write this, I have an undeniable urge to just delete all this and go to bed. No one wants to hear this, no one should hear this. My brain doubts should remain secret from the public. My problems aren't even big enough to warrant sharing. But I'm not going to delete this... I don't think.

Man, the brain worms (doubt and self sabotage) have been getting fat the past few months. I wonder if this is depression. I smile in public, and I mean it. Its not a mask. Or is it? See... I'm floating in a sea of pointless self questioning and uncertain wants. If I try to dig at the root of this undefinable quivering uncomfortable vibration, I feel the sting of tears on the edges of my being. And yet I even nag at myself for feeling this way - I have so much to be thankful for. I have shelter with wood floors and almost a place for everything, an art studio downtown, I have a loving partner (who'm I just celebrated being with for 8 years! We spent the day watching parody kung fu movies) I have art, I have tons of cool stuff, and I have a part time job I really like.

But.... perhaps... the things that define me, that have defined me in the past seem to have dissipated.
I do not feel as free. I traveled so much when I was in college, and it FEELS like I travel all the time now, but its all to the inside of convention centers and hotels. I never really see the PLACES I travel to. And my art... and me as an artist.... have lost purpose. I am floating in space, surrounded by pretty colors and shapes, but nothing to grasp onto, nothing seems solid.

I need an adventure - not travel for the commercial side of my art business, but I need a good soul searching adventure.

I also need to eat better sometimes, and exercise, and spend less time on the computer. And maybe collaborators and co-conspirators. I need people to tap me on the shoulder and remind me to do art, or challenge me to an art duel.
Sometimes I feel like an appreciation-operated machine - when I get good attention or when someone buys art, I get that joyful rush. But I've sorta forgotten how to generate that rush on my own.

My boat is teetering on the sea of lethergy. Help me avoid rowing into the swamps of sadness. Also, make sure I don't fall into the bog of eternal stench... that doesn't seem to be a danger at this point, but I might as well cover all my movie-quote bases. Apparently there is a Sea of Possibilities in the Never Ending Story. That could be a good place to take my boat... so long as the NOTHING isn't threatening to wipe me away.

OH DEAR. Maybe this feeling *IS* the Nothing! The 'evil' from my MOST WATCHED CHILDHOOD MOVIE is coming to haunt me! I'm at the point in my life where I have to do battle with those untouchable demons of depression, lack of interest, and drive to care.
NO WONDER my 'new' car is named Falkor. SEE???? Falkor will save me with a meaningful life ROAD TRIP, where I will encounter the princess (my inner child) and give her a new name
. AHH!!! I think I need to go read some Joseph Campbell. The hero's journey. Its time to get myself out of this dank cavern and be reborn.

See, journals really are a great thing for self dialogue and finding answers.

Arthropods with Attitude

Life is (again) travelling too fast for me to attempt recording it in words. Even less so for words gone public. But here is an attempt, because sharing is what's for dinner. Wait, no, that was veggie burgers. Veggie burgers were dinner. I'm rambling. Let me post a few pics.

This is a wee different from my tree people and crazy creations... but drawing from a source sometimes refreshes my brain. I am also exploring a childhood obsession - as I once wanted to be an entomologist. (Being an artist was always a given. There was no choice there, besides, I thought EVERYONE was automatically an artist anyway and that it didn't really count as a solo aspect of a career. Not that I didn't think it was a real job, I just assumed art was a part of every picture. Always. Ok, maybe I should save that thought for another day.)

Here are some bug pictures I've done so far.

("I'm too sexy" and "Woo Hoo!" both are 4"x6" acrylic and colored pencil)

 These are the first ones I did and had them hanging in the studio. The word bubbles get my giddy giggly, and I'm having too much fun. The abstract backgrounds let me play, and the illusionary realism gives me a chance to hone in and practice the skills I fought so hard learn. Its refreshing in so many ways. I told another artist that I wanted to turn it into a series, but that I often had trouble staying with one thing. She then did a very good thing and CHALLENGED ME to create 100 bugs before the next openhouse event (April 2016) I accept this challenge. I may change styles a bit, and I might include some critters beyond the bug spectrum, but I will do it! I'll try to put a bit of humor in most of them.

By the way, the 'Woo-Hoo' butterfly sold at the openhouse, and the purchase came with a very touching story, and served in part as a memorial to someone special. No greater gift can be given than knowing my art can serve such a high and beautiful purpose. 

("The Wild One" 5"x7" acrylic and colored pencil)

The pill bug was next, and has also sold. Again, the purchase came with a story, something that touched the buyer on a personal level, and inspired a grand conversation about critter obsession in kids, inside jokes and banana slugs. *GRIN!*

 ("Hey Buddy" and "Io Moth, Ready for Takeoff" - both 5"x7" First is ink, watercolor and acrylic, second is acrylic and colored pencil )

These two were the most recent. I learned not to try and think of what I want the creatures to say while still in bed early in the morning. I swear it took me 30 minutes to land on a phrase. I came up with too many choices!! I gotta remember to keep that part loose and spontaneous.

___________________________

SO, what inspired this Series? 

Many things led up to it, but the most direct inspiration came from making this little painting here:

 

("Meep" 2.5"x3.5" acrylic and colored pencil) 

I was vending at Horrorhound Weekend in Cincinnati in March of this year (2015). I had been chatting with Terrance Zdunich (creator/writer/actor in Repo the Genetic Opera and Devil's Carnival) If you are a fan, you probably know he likes hissing cockroaches and features them in his "Molting" comic (its awesome, go check it out) I happened to be doodling on a tiny piece of paper when he came by. Jokingly, he said he wanted to see me paint some cockroaches. So, I did, and then gave it to him. Its usually the unexpected prompts that spin me in a new direction. In fact, it was a commission to paint cats last year that led me to this style of abstract+realism with acrylic and colored pencil. 

I hope I can keep the groove going. Don't hesitate to poke at me and demand to see more.  

And of course, the ones that havn't sold yet are available. 

p.s. Don't worry, I'm not giving up the other weird art stuff, I'm STILL working on tree people and surreal abstractions of the mind and heart. I've got plague trees and surreal portraits in the works RIGHT NOW! In my next post, I'll give an update on all that stuff. Along with other new things I'm playing with, like fabric and drawing with the sewing machine. I'm so... scattered, but I'm FREAKING IN LOVE with being an artist right now. I've accepted that I'm not a single style kind of gal. Let variety BE my style. Now I just need someone else to figure out how to put it all to good use!